Ramblings

It's been almost five months now and it still feels weird to think you're not coming back. There's a big gap and if I stop to think and look around it hits me all over again. And not the good stuff. I can't remember much of the good stuff. I remember picking you up off the floor. I remember you looking confused and not quite there. I remember kicking myself for not getting the doctor back sooner. I remember not offering you something to eat in ICU. I remember lying to you when you begged me to get you out of there as I left in the afternoon. I remember coming back to watch you die with that being the last time I spoke to you when you were conscious. I remember being there and watching your pulse in your neck and listening to you breathing. Counting. I remember making sure everyone was there. I tried my best and there is fuck all I can do about it now.