Career Options

A. Fishwife


Move to fishing village. Marry a fisherman. Start wearing a headscarf and a tabard, smoking roll ups and gutting fish. Steal a net from a fish wife and paint lips with fish guts. Wear a jellyfish on your head.


B. Big Bad Wolferessy


build a cabin in the woods. Knit a wolf costume out of cat hair and spaghetti. Go around chopping down men for firewood and taunting pigs with bushy tail.


C. Hermit Strip Club Owner


Become a recluse. Live in a cave, bulk buy baby oil and metal poles off ebay on impulse. Open an all male strip club to get rid of em. Thursdays only, bring your own chicken, basket provided. Oh and a torch.


D. Cabaret Singer


Learn to sing. Back comb hair. Wrap self in tinfoil and dip in red glitter glue. Sing sultrily while gargling salt water.


E. Become the Phantom of the Opera


make a mask out of an egg box and a cloak from old CD cases. Loiter in the pantry/Biscuit Barrel/Bus Station*, wailing intermittently. At 12pm sing/mime/whisper*:
”The Phantom of the Opera is here inside your Pantry/Biscuit Barrel/Bus Station*”
(*delete as applicable)


F. Become a Professional Fundraiser


Make a sign saying
”FREE HUGS £1!!
SPECIAL HUGS £40 p.h.
Money goes to Chariddy ”