Time isn't a straight line.
Who I am now, who I was then,
We are the same, yet separate.
I can go back now.
Go back and comfort that quivering woman child so full of despair.
Go back and hold her in my arms,
Whisper in her ear that it is ok, everything is ok and you will be happy again,
Because I am here.
Always here.

How quickly it fades

My head is all muddled and I find myself thinking about you again.
I don't know why.
I am silently daring you to text me, call me or turn up at my house.
I'll even double dare you, because I know it won't happen.
Out of the two of us,
I was always the brave one.

I wish I had met you when I felt stronger instead of that meek little girl too afraid to speak her mind.

To be loved

It's less than a memory now,
That feeling of appreciation, 
Being loved with joy and whimsy.
A memory that might be make believe.
It will be different because I am different,
Coming from a hard place, a strong place.
I haven't learned how to love independently yet,
Not quite. 

I dreamed a dream of times gone by,
Of words already spoken,
Whispers beneath my window.
Fleeting.
The warmth in my bed, 
In my arms,
In my heart.
Incubated.
Open.
Waiting.
For You.

Come back to me

I could look into your eyes forever.  
Not with the sappy, romantic dreams, but with the wide awake, wide eyed smile, the impish lust for adventure.  
There is plenty of time to laze around under tress swirling your chest hair with my fingertips.  
I want to grab your hand and tear off into the forest and get your new shoes muddy.

In my mind we were already friends.  The benefits come later if they come at all.  You obviously thought I wanted more or you were so turned off by the idea you felt the need to put the friend barriers up.  That hurts.  It hurt at the time because I didn't and don't understand how it can just stop.  Now I don’t have a friend, I don’t have the closeness, the open hearted talks, and the love for the sake of love.  I have a virtual acquaintance and lots of blurred assumptions.  Come back.  I miss you.

I've seen your face before and then you were in my dream.

Younger, with a porkpie hat and drainpipe jeans.

You said you weren't ready for anything serious while you were crossing the road.

Foreheads pressed together,

Eyes blurred, but I could see crystal clear.

The connection points met and it felt complete.

Thinking about where I am.

I am here and yet the ghosts of the past keep crowding my mind.

People I have known, half known, don't know anymore.

If life is balance then they think about me too.

I just wish they would do it quietly and leave me be.

I have this half eaten feeling.

I am all dunked out.

You drained me.

I want to step on the red dot and keep it still.

I want to turn around and say just fuck off.

I'm hungry but you don't fill me up.